Let's talk about ME!! (Strategies to deal with whiners)

Picture this : You have just finished your first mock exam paper, and you exit the hall feeling upset about your performance. You think you haven’t revised enough and feel guilty spending the last few hours of your preparation time playing games/chatting/reading magazines instead.

Along comes Mr Kiasu/Mrs Perfect and starts whining out loud how question 7, part A was tricky and how he/she might have lost 2 marks because she wrongly analysed it and is now doomed to failing. Or worse, he/she cries and you feel bad for them and feel obliged to offer your shoulder of comfort to them. They sob, you try and make them feel better.

The day results come out, it’s an A for the cry baby and you get a C. You feel awful, angry and plain upset that aforementioned drama queen exaggerated about his/her inability to answer the exam questions and is now happily batting his/her eyelashes, bashfully saying that it was pure luck and surely there was a mistake. He/She doesn’t bother comforting you, and you’re left to deal with the disappointment yourself.

Common situation in KYUEM? You betcha!

Lets face it peeps (especially us girls), most of us fall under this category – the attention seekers. If you’re the kind of person who can’t keep a problem to yourself, if you love to pore over every fear and emotion in exhaustive detail, face it – you’re addicted to attention. You may think, “Hey, it’s not a big deal, after all it’s not good to keep everything to yourself right?”

Well, sorry to say it’s a YES and NO m’dears. There’s a vast difference between sharing your problems with your buddies and being a constant stress cadet who constantly leans on anyone and everyone as crutches!

Attention Grabbers – Are you one of them?



You know you’ve got an addiction to attention if you constantly:

*Call your friends not to say “Hi!” but because you want an agony aunt.
*Complain to anyone and everyone about how busy/unlucky/unwell/unhappy/unsatisfied you are.
*Could not conceive the idea of keeping a problem like a fight with a boyfriend to yourself – when a problem arises you feel the NEED of giving a blow-by-blow account to friends and expect them to analyse them and offer their feedback.
*Respond to every story a friend shares with something similar that happened to you.
*Have trouble being alone
*Always feel as if you’re in crisis and can barely remember the last time someone asked how you were and you said “I’m great!”
*Exaggerate to get sympathy – like the situation mentioned above.
*Take on responsibilities you shouldn’t take – then complain about how stressed out you are and how problematic being in demand is.
*Engage in prima donna behavior – throwing hissy fits, storming off in a huff, slamming doors and bursting into tears.

The underlying question is, how do we balance being open towards other people and being labelled as a drama queen? It’s obviously unhealthy to constantly be stressed out, and not being able to live on your own – how do you expect to survive on your own when you go overseas? Do you expect to find sympathetic people for you to lean on everywhere you go? And what if you can’t find one? What will become of you then?

Breaking the habit
Fortunately, we can TRY and reduce our dependency on others’ with these simple first steps :

Zip your lips Stop hogging the conversation. Fight the urge to dominate the conversation or directing the conversation towards only one subject – YOU. Sure, you were woken up by the warden 20 minutes late for your maths class, burnt your toast, locked your bag and keys in your room by mistake then slipped and fell on a patch of mud in front of your chalet while you were sprinting off to class. You will definitely feel the urge to tell people of your horrific misfortune; however, recounting the events to everyone you meet will only increase your irritation. So, take a complaint break. Your sanity AND your friends will thank you for it!

Control your responses When you feel absolutely helpless and the need to talk about the situation arises, try saying “It upset me” instead of “I’m depressed/devastated”. Remind yourself that no matter how unpleasant it is, you WILL get through it! It is the complete opposite of what many of us do – we tend to regard ourselves as the victim, which encourages us to whinge and complain and feel as if we have no control over our lives. Take charge and control your attitude and responses, you will find that you can, in some way or another carve your destiny and ensure you’re indeed happy, despite your problems.

Tune in to the positives Happiness is not something that slaps you in the face – you have to tune into the things that make you feel good; such as the morning sun streaming into your room, the pleasure of knowing you look good in that shirt and satisfaction on finishing your homework in good time. Always look at the bright side of life – a negative outlook on life would only make you feel as if the whole world is against you when it actually isn’t! It’s all about perspective – change that, and everything changes.

Forget your fears When we’re obsessed with worries and our mishaps, we become self-centred and forget about the people around us. Therefore, to avoid alleviating your concerns, programme yourself to let go of fearful thoughts without judging or identifying them. Don’t let them affect you – ‘Strangle them at birth’ as Mr Conquest would put it. If this fails, try counting breaths until the thought passes. Make this a habit, and you’ll find your fears starting to lose their control over you. This will leave your mind free to focus on the finer things in life which bring you happiness, joy and comfort.

All in all, let us all try and be better people and stop weighing ourselves (haha, punny!) down with self-pity (especially since exams are coming around this time of year!). Look at the positive side of things, and keep depressing thoughts at bay. Hopefully there will be less people whining after any examination after this yea? :)